So I was asked, how can we handle a situation when we feel like we are being personally attacked (Or business, family, etc)
And it’s a really great question and one I’ve really had to actively work on living with my in-laws, although some are direct attacks about things I do but the same principles do apply.
What’s really happening is our fight or flight response is kicking in and depending on our history and the situation those reactions can vary. They are primal, and based in the EGO mind.
What we have to learn and keep in mind is that, everyone’s coming to the situation with their own experience, beliefs etc. It doesn’t automatically make someone right or wrong just because it may differ from your own, it’s just different because of their own knowledge/experience base. If we can learn to look at things as a reflection of them and not an attack or reflection of us then we can move past the re-action instinct.
When we can’t control what’s happening, challenge yourself to control the way you respond to what’s happening. That’s where your power is. – Unknown
But when someone triggers something in us this is usually a good indicator of something that is not healed. The way we approach others shows those parts of ourselves that also are not healed within ourselves. Being critical, judgmental etc towards another says more about us than it does about them, it may not even be something we believe or value but something we were taught to believe.
Our problem isn’t the problem. Our reaction is the problem. Buddha
And honestly I’ve experience this too; sometimes when
we expect something to go wrong or someone to say something we’re almost jinxing the situation because according to the law of attraction those though frequencies manifest into physical situations.
Well then how can we better move past such triggers? Well it’s hard to say really because every situation and individual is different, and because of all those variables it’s hard to say that something would work every time cause it won’t; But, you can train yourself to identify what those triggers and the feelings behind them are. It’s really a level of self awareness and mindfulness.
Triggers: What/who is your trigger
Lack: What is the lack that your feeling, something you’re insecure about ?
Fear: What is your biggest fear? How long have you had this fear? What other emotions does this fear bring up?
Anxiety: We see the escalation of this stress cycle in the form of anxiety, which can look different for every individual, it may be panic attacks, OCD behaviors, bouts of, or chronic depression, nervous behavior, many different things.
Sabotage: What many don’t notice is the sabotaging behaviors they engage in when trying to just live our lives or when we try and implement changes.
This can come in the form of:
Being late or unorganized
Distract with tv, games, social media etc.
Making impulsive decisions or choices instead of being mindful
It can also just be reacting to the said trigger in a negative way thus fueling the cycle again.
Being able to identify those is a big first step into setting up a system to then move past and rise above.
This whole perspective is actually what my coaching program is based upon.
It’s a 6-month program that focuses on several areas of your life, actively identifying the underlying beliefs you have that are feeding into how your approaching things in life.
You can read more about this on my coaching page.
I am working to develop a group coaching with the same structure and lots of great tips for self-empowerment. If this interests you please reach out to me or join the waitlist.
Some ways you can handle a trigger situation in the moment are:
Use a zinger, a positive snappy come back, that shows you won’t allow your power to be taken
These are some of my own:
- Who hurt you, how can I help?
- Opinions are not facts, facts are not attacks
- Your beliefs don’t shape my reality
- I am curious as to what qualifications or knowledge you possess to make such an educated statement (when something is very clearly only an opinion, or your aware you do possess more education on the subject matter)
- What proof do you have to back up your claim?
- I’m sorry you feel so insecure about your beliefs, that you have to attack my beliefs or I’m sorry you feel my beliefs are an attack on your own
- Thank you for sharing, now I’m going to continue to live my life based upon my own beliefs and values, have a nice day.
- Okay, thank you.
- Say nothing, don’t give them the satisfaction
- I’m not seeking your approval I have my own
- I’m sorry did I say or do something that gave you the impression that I’m seeking your approval?
Great, aren’t they 😅 can you tell I’ve had my fair share.
Agree to disagree- sometimes people are just set in their own way, just agree to do your own thing, that works for you, judgment aside.
Avoidance – avoid the trigger situation completely, don’t react or act in any way, just walk away and ignore. The best option for when you can’t be objective or positive.
Like mama always said, “if you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say a thing at all. ”
Best way to protect your own power is to not engage, the moment you engage even mentally is the moment they have the ability to steal your energy. Avoidance is often needed until you gain enough self-confidence but it shouldn’t be the final solution, that’s just creating a whole different problem, one that can be just as detrimental to self-growth.
Active “shadow” work is needed for all lightworkers, empathy and really everyone. Being able to identify the problem/trauma/trigger etc, and pick it apart to understand its root belief and hold over us is very key in our overall healing and ultimate raising of our vibration. For many this can be very difficult, I even know lightworkers who avoid their shadow work because the trigger causes such a heightened emotional sending them into anxiety or depression. But if you’re able to either by yourself or with a coach, therapist etc, work to understand that underlying causation, you start to really heal at the soul level.
I was asked what mantra can help, and honestly, you should find one that’s personal to you, but active chakra balancing, is a good place to start if you are unsure.
Being self-aware and confident in your beliefs is very important in dealing with anything or anyone that triggers you. Some people don’t mean to trigger you, but there are the few who act like bullies, and are intentionally trying to trigger you, and will even laugh and ask if you were triggered because they seek to steal your power and energy. Those are often the people we feel less prepared to deal with. But I’ll tell you what I hear and see when I see that behavior, I see someone more scared, insecure and unaware of themselves than even you can be. Their vibration and self-awareness is so low that they seek to drag others down just so they can have that surge of adrenaline, and serotonin, and feel good about themselves. But it doesn’t last, hence we see the bully, and often the drama queen, creating havoc in their path. Zingers can be effective with these people because you end up turning it back on them.
The idea is gaining control of yourself, not the situation.
Some food for thought
Yes it takes some work to work through your triggers, to develop self-awareness and discipline but as they say, things worth doing aren’t easy; do what’s right not what’s easy, if it were easy everyone would do it.
Reacting is having all of your energy placed in your lowest root chakra, responding is having all of your energy balanced and approaching via the crown chakra. Take time to analyze and see where those eateries are being allocated. If you’re unsure or would like some help feel free to reach out.
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Namaste dear friends
I hope this will help you look at life and yourselves a little more objectively and start to identify when your energies are out of balance as well as those trigger situations.
where are you?